5. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

6. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

7. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

8. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

9. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

10. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

11. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

12. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation. (actual poem.. here @ tagmag!!)

13. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

14. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

15. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

16. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

17. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

18. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

19. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

20. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

21. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

22. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

23. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

24. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

25. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.