Something to offend everyone

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tasmania?
Everyone has the same DNA

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 kilos

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you have?
Divorce proceedings most likely

Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your Mum

How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo Machine

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What three two-letter words mean small?
"Is It In?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes

What do you call a New Zealand farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A Pimp

What's the Indonesian National Anthem?
Row row row your boat.