Five rules to wow her / him

1. Five ways to wow her

When I surveyed singles about male manners on dates these days, everybody agreed that politeness seems to be passé. The strange thing is that no one talked about dating. "Everybody is less nice to each other," said Johanna. "They're discourteous and rude in shops and on the roads. It's an angry world."

Mike says he doesn't see people opening doors or giving up their seat on a bus. "I don't think a lot of men respect women today."

Queue jumping, yelling at drivers, swearing in public. It's not just on dates that people are failing to demonstrate their better natures. No one misses the formality of a rigid code of conduct. Everyone laments the pervasive lack of courtesy and common consideration.

For every Gallant who opens a door for a woman, ten oblivious souls let it swing shut in her face. How many people failed to RSVP to your most recent invitation? When was the last time you wrote a thank you note?

This sad lack of manners in everyday life presents an opportunity for men. It's the opposite of a rising tide raising all boats. A falling level of civility leaves chivalrous exceptions prominently on display. The courteous gentleman is a match any lady would love to catch.

Manners for Misters

No one wants to be treated with anything less than thoughtfulness. The guy who exerts himself to consider what would please his date and then strives to deliver is sure to make a favourable impression. Here are a few tips to convince your date that she's found her Prince Charming.

1. Show respect
This is the universal rule of the polite. All other tips are just permutations of this one.

2. Listen
Pay attention to what she says, and take it to heart. When she says she's allergic to dust mites, vacuum before she comes to your place for drinks. If she says she likes Italian food, rent <i>Big Night on DVD and invite her over for pasta.

3. Be on time
Making her wait implies that her time is less valuable than yours is.

4. Be generous
I'm not talking money here. Give freely of your praise.

5. Be reliable
A gentleman's word is his bond. If you say you're going to call, call.

The "F" word
Finally, a word on feminism. Some guys believe that a woman would be insulted if he held a chair for her. I have yet to discover a female who wouldn't be charmed by such attentiveness.

When in doubt, ask. Inquiring, "May I get that door for you?" or, "How about I pay this check and you take the next one?" can head off a world of misunderstanding.

2. Men reveal the five traits they look for in single women

For all their similarities, men also display great variance. As satisfying as it would be to cynically insist that every man on earth is interested only in willingness to copulate, bust size, leg length and sympathy to scheduling issues during the footy season (in that order), it's not a fair judgement. Many qualities guys look for are intangible, so if you're in the market, be advised that most men value these features above all others.

1. Tolerance

This is often interpreted as "sympathy to scheduling issues during the footy season," but it's really much broader than that. Guys like what they like — whatever that may be, and it will certainly differ from man to man — and though they might make an effort to respect your feelings about their pastimes and viewpoints, they're not likely to change them for you. Guys want to be with women who don't roll their eyes when they head out to play pool or insist that a visit to the shoe shop is more important than the Champion's league. Respect their idiosyncrasies and they'll respect yours.

2. Compatibility with friends

His friends aren't necessarily going to become your friends, but you need to be able to stand their presence. In fact, it would help if you like them a little, always remembering that they are his friends, so a certain boundary needs to be respected. There will be times when he wants to be with them rather than you, and if you like them, it'll help clarify why. Similarly, a fella's friends and his relationship do not fill the same section of his heart: he needs both, and prefers when they fit together comfortably.

3. Honesty and decency

Men don't like being cheated on or lied to any more than women do. If you're a chew 'em up and spit 'em out type, your life will be a string of one-night stands followed by a bitter spinsterhood. Your man must feel he can trust you without question, and it is your behaviour that will ensure he does.

4. Independence

This is a tricky one, and it doesn't apply to every man in the wild, but there's a good chance he prefers to be with someone who can own and operate their daily lives. The complaint that he needs his "space" when a relationship sours is actually an indication that he feels constricted by your failure to manage your own affairs and respect his occasional need for privacy. You made it to adulthood without him; surely you can continue being self-sufficient now.

5. Comprehension of differences

Men, being from Mars, think before they feel. When men discuss problems, they do not commiserate, they offer solutions. This creates a huge communication gap in relationships, because a woman wants emotional support while the guy uncomprehendingly suggests a resolution. Neither side is right or wrong, but women are hard-wired to be feelers and men are hard wired to be thinkers. Understanding that he is not being callous or short when he tells you what he thinks rather than what he feels will score you lots of points.

Men are complicated beasts, and it's no wonder that women still struggle to figure out what motivates them. We're all people, but there are some fundamental differences, and equally fundamental misconceptions, in what each gender wants from the other. But men aren't the shallow oafs they're sometimes made out to be, and giving them the benefit of the doubt in this will mean lots of potential mates from which to choose.