"I'm gonna leave now for two reasons. One: I don't
want to lose my temper, which I think you'll agree shows
some growth, and two: this clown's just let one go... don't
"There she was, a goddess in a Pearl Jam T-shirt
"We're all a bit of a dick. It's the human condition.
Nothing to be afraid of..."
"You know why they never found any weapons of mass
destruction? Because I've got 'em all in the back of the
"I got the sack because they found vomit in the store
room and I got the blame because I was out the night before.
It wasn't me. It was the special needs lad on work-experience.
I didn't say anything because he couldn't help it. He had
a spastic stomach."
"Y'know something, you're orange! ! Y- y- you're
physically orange. You could work for the 'phone company...
(animal rights protester): "Listen to me, it ain't
fair: shooting pigeons. I mean, they ain't got a gun, have
Tommy: "And I don't have wings. And I don't
shit on other people's property. Well, you do daft things
as a student, don't you?"
talking about dance music:"If I want to hear electronic
bleeps and farts, I'll put my foot through the windscreen
of the Rascal and listen to the alarm going off."
sales rep: "Have you thought about consolidating
all of your credit cards into one low cost repayment?"
Tommy: "No, but I've thought of caning them
all into the red and then fakin' me own death..!"
"Wow. That's beautiful on the back of your jacket."
Tommy: "Designed by a native American."
Vicky: "Oh. What's it say?"
Tommy: "Born to kill".
Vicky: "Kill what? Moths?".
on Mötley Crüe: "I tend to find them a bit...shit.
Tommy to Raymond after the neighbour has left: "Mötley
Crüe? What does he think I am, 14?
Would you like to come upstairs?
Tommy: In the words of an ex-Doobie Brother, "Ya
Mo Be There"